“Guys who like twat have to get through a lot of stuff to get to it, they’ve  usually got to through the whole courting process and that sort of caper and of course if they like a certain type of twat, there’s no way of telling in advance.

“With most women, unless they’re gymnasts who have left the underwear at home, blokes are not going to know what they are getting into until they can get to the crunch and get a look at it. But I’ve developed a way of finding this sort of stuff out in advance.”

Dregg points to a framed display board in his studio. One side of the display features realistic sculpture of an ear, the other side features a life like pussy, and in between, written in old-fashioned script, are diagrams, arrows, and Latin medical inscriptions.

This, he claims, is the scientific explanation for his master pussy theory.
He launches into his vagina monologue explaining that he first expounded the theory several years ago in a book.

“I wrote a little book recently called Twat Spotting, and it gave all the details s about how to determine the exact configuration of the female genitalia by close observation of the women’s ear.  If you invert the normal position of the ear with the lobes at the top, there is direct correlation with that and the fanny.
“All that stuff about women painting their lips red and making them larger because there’s a correlation between the fanny and the lips, that’s bullshit, it’s a decoy. It’s the ear that tells the story.
“If the ears stick out a bit, they’ll have big pads; big lobes means a big clit, big ears means big flaps. Blow in a woman’s ear and you’ll see what the fanny is like when it becomes engorged, they change colour and that sort of thing.”

But there’s more to the theory says Dregg. You can also figure out whether or not a woman likes action by the way she deals with her ears.

“Not only can you tell the configuration of the vulva by looking at the ear, but you can also tell by looking at her ears tell what the owner of the vulva’s attitude is towards her sexuality,” says Dregg.
“For example, women who wear big dangly gorgeous earrings and display their ears prominently are proud of their sexuality, they’re goers and that sort of thing.

“Women who continually pull their hair over their ears are pretty nervous about sex, a bit shy.”
Dregg says he gave his quasi-scientific ear-fanny theory display board an airing at an erotic art exhibition in Brisbane, Australia  to suss out the reaction and he found that women were very curious it.
 “I took my anatomical display thing to this exhibition and I just sat there with a glass of wine and watched the various women come up and look and look at it.

“Because it looks all scientific with lots of Latin words it takes a while for the penny too drop at what it really is all about so they’d study and then all of a sudden they’d get really intense.
“They’d stand closer to it and have a really good look and I noticed at the same time they’d start fiddling with their hair and their ears.

“Then the curator came over and said he had some students who would like to talk to me about the work. There were a couple of chicks in their 20s in the group and they were really into it, really earnest.
“These two chicks sat there and described in exact detail what their fannies looked like and how it related to their ears. They’d go, ‘Oh mine is like this,’ and I had to look away. I had to kind of compose myself from time to time, but it was a right laugh and at times I felt like saying, ‘Possibly you’d like a second opinion?’ ”

Dregg also plans to mass-market another application of his theory in the form of a high-tech interactive sex doll that would look like a lifelike celebrity and would pack the celebrity fanny of the buyer’s choice.
“For example, if the buyer and wanted a Beyonce experience, I could examine photos of Beyonce’s ears to determine the configuration of her twat, and slap that into the creature. It would virtually be like fucking the real thing.

“If you really wanted to piss your neighbour off, you could order one that looks like his wife but you could program it to be a good bonk.”