WHY ARE women so upset when they discover their partners looking at internet pornography? A British journalist from the Daily Telegraph, Lesley Garner, was overwhelmed with mail when she recently published a letter from a mother of three distraught at discovering her husband was a secret user of internet  pornography. The newspaper was swamped with letters from men and women, presenting their views on web porn. Most of the women about two-thirds were shocked, insulted, angry and unhappy when their men turned to the  internet for pornography.

 They didn't understand their partners' need and felt deeply excluded. To them, pornography felt like adultery. Some women more relaxed about their men's viewing habits, saw a taste for porn no worse than compulsive golf-playing or watching endless football.

' The wife of the head of a university department was horrified when her husband explained he had been accessing  internet porn and sexual pop-ups had clogged his PC. They had to discretely arrange someone to sort out the university computer. ''He knew I was disgusted and all he could say was, 'It wasn't illegal porn.

 Only men and women making love','' wrote the indignant wife. That's all it is, most of the time. Perhaps not making love but having sex. Men and women flaunting sweaty, naked bodies with gloriously technicoloured dangly bits filling the screens in full anatomical splendour.

 It can be very confronting to view such a sight so close-up and deeply personal. Many women can't deal with it and that's fair enough. But it makes no sense for women to brand their menfolk as depraved for enjoying this latest form of sexual display.

 It's nothing new. There has been explicit sexual material designed to stir the loins, throughout history. Roman frescoes, Japanese screen prints, Victorian ''dirty'' postcards material has always been there and enjoyed principally by men.

 In the past women were often denied access due to their delicate feminine sensibilities. Now any boy or girl old enough to find their way around the internet can wallow in the explicit erotic world. But males are most interested.

 There's a new book just been published Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers based on an internet survey. Only the braver, more sexually adventurous teens were likely to answer. It's hardly surprising the survey found that by 15 most teens had seen pornography.

 There was a big difference between girls and boys in their response, with 87 per cent of the boys claiming the material turned them on, compared with 58 per cent of the girls. There will always be a yawning gulf between the sexes in their reaction to the stuff. Men's interest is probably hard- wired and in the main, it's harmless.

 There's no good research showing pornography causes bad behaviour. Yes, there is some very nasty material violent, degrading images and child pornography. Most men are more interested in the meat and potatoes version endless willing women with big knockers no more threatening to domestic stability than the unrealistic romantic fantasies in chick lit.

 There are men who become addicted but only tiny numbers are at risk here. It's like masturbation. Once we were warned of dire consequences from self-abuse. People do become compulsive masturbators but most show restraint.

 The same is true of  pornography. Women need to get real about this secret men's business. Just because we don't get it doesn't mean we have to shame healthy, red-blooded men for enjoying peep shows.